Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
