2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
