still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
it's like heaven, but drunker
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
