Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
