what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
