U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
