Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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