just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pants are for mortals
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
