Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
