Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
