how can u be prego again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
