none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
