I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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