i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
