I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
