the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
