I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
