I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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