I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
