Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
