And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
