You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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