I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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