i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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