i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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