Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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