i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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