He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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