No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
