Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
