awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
