pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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