To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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