the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
