His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
