If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
