He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
