There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
