My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
