Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
