In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
