how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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