I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
