I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
