I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
