Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
