Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
