My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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