You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
