Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize