This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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