Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
