Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize