She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
