I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize