Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
