ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
