I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
