I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize