the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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