Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
