Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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