yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
