After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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